Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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