glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he was CRYING into my vagina
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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