shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
