I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
