Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
