Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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