Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Someone signed my nipple.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
