i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
