i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
