i need an iv and a liver transplant
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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