if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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