There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
