Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
