You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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