i don't like sucking hair
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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