Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
