I have demons in me.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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