ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize