hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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