so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
