LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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