Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
