great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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