Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Me. At least after what I've been through.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
