I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
