Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
