there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
