they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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