Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
