I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
