I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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