he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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