"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
