Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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