Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
