We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
