my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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