Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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