So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
