would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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