U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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