last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
