Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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