sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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