I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
