How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
