You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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