I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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