I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
