big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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