Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
