The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
