I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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