Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
