He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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