yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
