I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
