I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
