I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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