Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
