That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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