If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
