call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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