im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
