we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
im on a boat
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