He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
