so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Let's paint friendship bongs
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
