wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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