I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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