I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
